Half Way Done!!

I can’t believe it’s been over three weeks since my last post! Yes I’m still kicking, but just barely!

I had my third treatment this past Friday…HALF WAY DONE!!..and so far things have been going okay. I haven’t been too down and out, a little tired and nauseas but nothing that I can’t handle. I think a lot of my problem this round is the anticipation of feeling bad or being in pain from the Neulasta shot!

The shot itself doesn’t hurt, but oh the side effects from it is nothing like I have felt before. When I asked them what kind of side effects it had, they said, “Oh you might feel some slight bone pain.” Umm, slight?!?! Every bone in my body was in pain! Not just an ache, but pain. Like I had been used as a baseball bat and every single bone was cracked!! Yeah, that bad!

But praise God, the shot worked, and I didn’t end up in the hospital! My levels still dropped, because of the chemo itself, but the Neulasta keeps it from staying down long enough for me to get really sick!

So this Friday, May 20th, is the Relay for Life in my town. I am SO excited about this as I get to walk the Survivors lap! I have been to the Relay before because of my godmother and “cousin”, but this year will be so different. Not only will I be apart of the festivites, but also because of losing my godmother in November to Ovarian cancer. It’s gonna be a huge deal for us!

That day is also a special day for me because it’s my birthday! If you know me, you know I am never one to really hide the fact that it’s my birthday, but I don’t start counting down until the week of either. Now though, birthdays are a big deal to me! I’m already planning a big shin-dig for my 30th just because it’s my 30th and God willing, I will be cancer free then as well!! Big celebrations!!!

Anyways, Friday will be a big day in more ways than one to me! Now if I can just stay well enough and strong enough until then…

And here is a picture of me now…no hair, no wig, just me!

Gone Today, Hair Tomorrow!

So I went for my second treatment yesterday! It only took 2 hours as opposed to the almost 5 hours the first one took! Thank God!! But, I have apparently been having some really high blood pressure and we had to stay there for about an hour and a half just to see if it would go down any. It was still high, but low enough that they were okay with sending me home.

My bestie, SA, went with me and as bad as 8 hours running around the hospital sounds we actually fun! One of the most fun things we got to do is I got to pick out my first wig! Or as Dr. Makhoul likes to call it, my Cranial Prosthesis! That it was apparently the medical terminology for a wig is called and he just lost it when he seen it. So to him, it is no longer a wig! HA

I tried on about half a dozen wigs, had one picked out that we like and I spotted another one that just had to try on. We ALL fell in love with it! So here is my first wig:

And what do I look like without it? Well, when I got home last night, I couldn’t stand all the bald spots shining through so I did this:

Yep, I buzzed it all off! You can still see some baldness, so I will keep it covered until I lose the rest of it. I also will have to keep it covered when I’m outside to keep my head from burning too bad!

The only bad news, besides my high blood pressure, is the fact that I have to go BACK to LR this morning for a shot! One stinking shot! I was supposed to get it yesterday, but low and behold, my insurance won’t pay for it until the next day! So I have to take another trip up there for this shot!

I can’t complain too much though, because I want this shot more than anything! It’s called Neulasta! It will keep my levels from dropping so low so I don’t get so sick and end up in the hospital! Praise God that He has given someone the ability to come up with this drug! I sure hope my body takes it well!!!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

So as much I was hoping it wouldn’t happen, it seems to be. I’m losing my hair! I had cut it awhile back and it was starting to grow out. It was down to my shoulders! So it was a little longer than this:

As much as I was loving this look…it was hard the first time I got in the shower and started pulling long black chunks of hair out! I admit it, I cried…hard! I had to keep telling myself that “I have cancer. One of the things that is gonna help cure me is gonna make my hair fall out. I can deal with that.”

I also have had to keep reminding myself that I am me. My hair doesn’t make me who I am. I can’t let me being bald change who I am and what I know. And I know that ‘they” can take my hair or even my tah tahs, but they can’t take my soul. It’s already taken! I am a child of God and being bald isn’t going to change that!

Yes, I still have to keep reminding myself all of that almost every time I take a shower or look at my pillow or shirt and it’s got more hair on it than not. I will be okay!

So what do I look like now?

Yep, I chopped it all off after that first shower. I couldn’t stand it. I’ve tried different looks with this style, including a faux mohawk, but Sissy didn’t much care for it. I also tried for a messy look, but I can’t seem to just get it right.

My sister, bless her heart, got online and bought me a hair wrap with instructions for me. It came with a plain black scarf and then a head wrap that I just have to tie the back in a bow.

I FINALLY got out to run some errands (after my little stint in the hospital, I was under home lock down!). I decided to try out my new wrap and to be honest…I liked it! It was much better than going without anything or with just a hat. Though today, I may go with just a hat…we shall see.

My next treatment is this Friday. I have to see Dr. Makoul, my medical oncologist, first though and I am excited for him to see that the main tumor they were watching has shrunk! I’m hoping that if one treatment did that, that it also helped with those pesky little infected lymph nodes!!

 

I can do ALL things through Christ, which strengthenth me!

Phil 4:13

1st Treatment and Hospital Stay….long!

Oh my, it’s been awhile. I have been so emotional, and sick, that I haven’t had a chance to update. I decided it was finally time.

My first chemo treatment was April 1. My mom took me to it while Hubby stayed home with the kiddos. I wasn’t really that nervous about it up until the minute it was time to access my port…for the first time!! Thank goodness they had given me some numbing medicine to put over it before hand! (more on that later!!) Once we got back to the treatment room, my friend, MW, showed up to sit with me. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years so it was nice to catch up with her.

The first medicine they gave me was the Herceptin, because of the HER2+ cancer. I didn’t have any problems with it, or the second one. Not sure which one was what though. I am taking Docetaxel and Carboplatin. The last medicine they gave me started effecting me some what. No allergic reactions, but I felt like a cold rush move through my body, starting at my chest and moving down. I could also feel it pumping in. The nurse came in, said I shouldn’t feel it all and turned the rate down. Much better!

I felt pretty good right afterwards. So much so that my mom and I decided to go to a couple of Christian bookstores to look for me a new Bible. I figured as long of a day has it had been, I would have fallen asleep on the way home. But I didn’t. I felt good.

We got home, and I laid down in the bed. It didn’t take me long before I was asleep for a long nap.

The next day, I was wiped!! Hubby’s stepmom gave over to baby-sit the kids and myself, and I was so glad she did!! I barely remember that day because I slept most of it away. Stepmom took the kids to the park to play, to McDonalds for lunch and ice cream, and then to see the fire truck that my brother-in-law had up at WM for the kids to see.

The rest of the week, I was pretty good. I was a little weak and tired, but not a lot of nausea. I thought, “This is gonna be a smooth ride!” Umm, yeah, didn’t happen!

Thursday, I felt okay, until that evening. I got really sick. My stomach hurt really bad and nothing helped it. I started violently throwing up. I tried to sleep but my stomach just hurt.

Friday I woke up still nauseus, and really weak and tired. I tried making it through the day but about 5pm and just didn’t feel right. I took my temp and it was 100.3! Not good for someone on chemo.

I called Hubby and we were trying to decide what to do when I just decided to call my medical oncologist’s office to see what they said. The on-call doctor said I needed to be checked out because I could have an infection of some sort.

So Hubby came home, my mom came to watch the kids, until my Hubby’s brother and his wife got there to watch them, and off we went to the ER. Before they were able to bring me back, my mom and my aunt who is a RN got there. My aunt went back with me and the tests started.

I had tons of blood drawn, an IV started with fluids going, and some x-rays taken trying to find out what was going on. My white blood cell count (WBCC) was LOW! It was 1.8…the lowest they like it is 4.2! I had an infection somewhere, but they couldn’t find where. They decided to admit me.

All weekend long, they had me on  two high powered broad spectrum antibiotics to just try and get whatever it was gone. Plus they had me on fluids at all times.

On Monday, a new doctor came in, said he wanted to run some more tests and was determined to find a source. By then I had had a couple more fever spikes, but they were starting to go away. He was happy about that!

Tuesday he came in, said that I definitely had a UTI and that I had a touch of H Pylori. Great!!! He said that he wanted to start me on another antibiotic (that’s 3!!) just for the H Pylori. He also said that he wanted to keep me for at least another day to keep me on the antibiotics I was getting through IV.

Wednesday he came in, and said that I was looking much better, my levels were up, and he was sending me home!!! I was so happy to go home to my kids, husband, and OWN bed!!! I’m glad they kept me as long as they did because my WBCC is still low. I have to be very careful about who comes to the house, and very careful about going out! But I am glad to be home!!!

My next chemo treatment is Friday the 22nd, and I am hoping that they can give me that medicine that helps with my WBCC not dropping so low! I can’t go through this after every treatment!! I am also hoping that my WBCC is high enough by then for me to be able to even have my treatment!!!!

Finally…a plan!

Yesterday we had to go to LR to get my results from the scans I had last week, and find out my treatment plan.

My appointment was at 1:45 yesterday afternoon, so we took the kids to MDO at the church in the morning, and headed out. We left town around 9:30. We made it to LR at about 11:45 and met up with one of our friends for lunch. We then headed to the hospital for my appointment.

I was so nervous about getting the results that my stomach started hurting, which if you know me pretty well, you know that that’s not hard for me to do!

We finally got back to the clinic room at around 2:15p. The nurse came in and was talking to me about the meds I have been taking, and then left for the doctor to come in. He came in and said, “Hi. How are you?” In a really quiet tone..not him. I looked at Hubby and said, “Must be bad news. He’s awfully quiet!”

The doctor looked at me and said, “Don’t say that! I haven’t even looked at the scans yet!” LOL

So he gets on there and first thing he looks at is the MUGA scan. He said my heart looks excellent! Next was the CT scan. No cancer in the brain!!! Then he tells me about my MRI scan, which I already knew about that. The next one was the PET scan. The one I worried about the most. His response?

No cancer in the heart, or lungs, or liver, or anywhere else in my body!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!

There is some, however, in some lymph nodes in the mammary glands behind the left breast. Which is a little worse than we thought. But not much. It does raise my staging from a stage 2B to a 3A. BUT it is still curable!!

I start chemotherapy this Friday. Hubby is going to stay home with the kids and my mom is going to take me…she seems to worry about me for some reason! We have to be up there at 9:15a Friday morning. We plan on leaving around 6a because I have to eat something before treatment. They said they would last up to 3 hours, which with my mom, shouldn’t be so bad…plus a good book.

The plan will still be 6 treatments, once every 3 weeks. Then surgery. Surgery will determine treatment plan afterwards though. If the lymph nodes behind the breast are big, they will probably remove them and then I will have to have radiation. If not, I will probably only have to have one or two more treatments of chemo. Plus I will have to continue with the Herceptin for 11 more treatments afterwards.

Anyways, I’m a little worried about some of the side effects that I have to watch for…fever, constipation, diarrhea, infection. I can handle some of them though…fatigue, tiredness (maybe I can finally catch up on my sleep!), hair loss. The doctor said they will give me some medicine before, during, and after treatments to help me with nausea, since EVERYTHING makes me sick to my stomach!

I’m just looking forward to getting this all started. The quicker it’s started, the quicker it’s done!!

Please pray for God to give me strength, and for my body to handle the treatments like a pro!

Tests, tests, and more tests??

I know I haven’t posted in a while…like almost a month..but I’ve had a lot going on. Not just in reality but in my head too.

The genetic testing came back. They told us when they did it that the results could be one of three. One, yes…it’s positive (genetic). Two, no…it’s negative (not genetic). Or the third, the one no one wants to get, undetermined..which means that there is some change in it, but not enough to say yes its genetic. But some change in it, which could result in normal human gene mutation.

Guess what, I’m the third! Figures!!

The MRI came back that there is two more tumors, on the same side, and in the lymph nodes also on the same side…the left. On the right side, there is a spot, but it’s not a tumor, and they are not saying it’s cancer. They don’t know what it is.

We met with the plastic surgeon and with the oncologist that will be doing my chemo. The plastic surgeon freaked me out about reconstruction, but I know that he was just doing his job by telling us the risks. The oncologist was very upfront and nice. He said that I had to have some more scans done before we could start chemo. He did some little tests things on me (looked in my eyes and mouth, listened to my heart and lungs, had me walk, and had me stand with my feet together and eyes closed while he pushed on my shoulders.

He told me that his gut feeling was that it hasn’t spread yet but that I needed to have a CT scan and a PET scan to make sure. He also wanted to do a MUGA scan on me to check my heart. I have to be on Herceptin for about a year because I am HER2+, and it can weaken my heart muscles. So doing the MUGA before and monitoring during treatment will be crucial.

We have to go to LR tomorrow to meet back with the oncologist to get my results from the scans. I am more than nervous about them! I have told many people that every test I have had, has given me bad news. This one has to be the one that gives me good news!! I know it’s all in God’s hands, but it’s scary to think that it could have spread and could put me as being a Stage IV! I’ve just been praying for peace and strength…as well as healing!!!

Update

It’s been a hectic past couple of weeks, hence the reason why I haven’t posted in almost 2 weeks!

I had my appointment with Dr. Klimberg, my oncologist, on Feb 22, in Little Rock. We got there about 9am, and left the Cancer Institute at around 1230ish. The doctor was really nice and helpful. She met with me, told me what was to be expected (genetic testing, MRI, chemo, maybe surgery depending on genetic testing) and then told me she wanted to do an ultrasound on my lymph nodes on the left side (the side where the breast cancer is located).

Ultrasound bad news? There was a lymph node that looked suspicious. Good news? It was just one!

She wanted to do a needle biopsy right then and there to see what it was. It was positive for cancer cells. They set my appointments I would need in order to be able to start chemo up (I Port placement, genetic testing, MRI) . Told me they would see me in three months, which is when we would talk about whether a mastectomy was necessary, and sent me for some blood work.

We left the hospital, did a little bit of shopping and then headed home. I wasn’t sore until that evening when the numbing medicine started wearing off (they had to give me 4 doses of that stuff)

We had to go back to UAMS that next Thursday to have my port placement. I was more nervous about that then the original appointment with Dr. K! The numbing medicine HURTS!! We got there and Hubby was more than willing to sit out in the waiting room! He did NOT want to see anything that they were gonna do to me! HA

After the port placement, we left and did a little bit of shopping, grabbed something to eat, and then headed home. My arm was SORE after all of that. My shoulder ached…and still hurts from time to time! But they say it’s all gonna be worth it in the end.

We go back up there tomorrow for my genetic testing and MRI. Thankfully the only poking they will be doing is for blood work! These past few weeks I feel like I have been a human pincushion!

I’m staying positive about all of this because I know it’s all in God’s plan! He has a reason for all of this and I know that He will protect me, but that His Will will be done!! Glory Be To God!!!

 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!” Phil. 4:13

Long Road Ahead

The past few days have been not only a whirlwind but the worst days of my life!!

I went back to the surgeon’s office Thursday for my follow-up appointment after surgery. I got there and they said that he was in an emergency surgery and sent my pathology report to my OB-GYN, who is a few doors down. I asked if the nurse could take my stitches out, which I didn’t realize that the surgeon normally doesn’t take them out this early, and she said she would.

We  (my mom was with me) left there and went to my OB-GYN. We waited in his office, and his first words to me where “I’m so, So, SO sorry to have to give you such bad news.” I laughed because I thought he was joking with me.

It turns out, he wasn’t.

I have breast cancer.

(I go to an Oncologist Research Specialist in LR on Tuesday. She’s supposed to be the best in the state and one of the best in the nations. I’ve only heard great things about her from anyone that knows her, including my surgeon and OB-GYN, a couple of her patients, and even just people that have heard of her. I’m excited to know that I’m going to be in good hands during this journey.)

Other issues? Well, once I left the doctor’s office, I got home and took my sports bra off (which is the only type of bra I’ve been able to wear the past 2 weeks!) and my incision site started bleeding. I went back to the surgeon’s office and the nurse placed some steri-strips and a bandage on it and sent me home.

Later that night, or actually about 245am on Friday morning, I noticed that my bra seemed wet. I went to the bathroom and there was blood on it. I took my bra off, removed the bandage and steri-strips, and blood started running down my side. I called my aunt, who is a nurse, and met her up at the ER.

Later that morning, the surgeon wanted to see the site, at the hospital. So I had to go back up there, where he looked at, said it had come open in one spot, took the packing gauze out, placed tighter steri-strips on it, and sent me back home. My day yesterday consisted of nothing but resting while my family, (husband, aunt, cousin) and friends (Stacy) all came and took care of me and the kids. I’m so grateful to have family and friends that are supporting during this time.

This is going to be a long rough ride for not only me, but everyone that is close to me. But I know that with God carrying me, I will make it through!! Please keep us all in your prayers!!!

Surgery

Things have been crazy around here. As you may have figured out by my last post, I’ve had some medical issues going on with me. About 2 months ago, on December 9th, I found a lump on my breast. I had to go to my OB-GYN the following week, so I kept my eye on, without letting anyone else (including Hubby) know what was going on, until then.

The doctor confirmed that it was something we needed to keep an eye on and instructed me to return to his office 6 weeks later for another exam of the spot.

I returned on January 27th, to which he informed me that the nodule had in fact grown and that he was referring me to the local surgeon.

I visited the surgeon on February 2. He was a little concerned and sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound the following day. The tests revealed that there were 3 SOLID masses. A biopsy was needed.

I returned to the surgeon Feb 7, where he confirmed that the nodule(s) were in deed solid and that instead of doing just a biopsy, he wanted to just completely remove them and then send them off. I was scheduled for surgery Feb 10 with pre-op on the 8th.

So on Thursday, Feb 10, I arrived at the hospital at 10a for surgery at 1130a. Surgery was done and I was heading home a little before 1pm.

Since then I have been trying to take it easy, and not worry too much what the biopsy will say. I should have the results by the end of next week.

This has made a HUGE impact on not only my life, but my family’s as well. Though the surgeon believes the masses were just calcium deposits, it’s still a little scary to think that it could be something much worse, like breast cancer. You better believe that I am now a bigger supporter of Breast Cancer Awareness!!

You Never Let Go of Me

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

(Chorus 2x's)

Christian lyrics - YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS - MATT REDMAN

 

I have been going through some medical issues for the past 2 months or so. It’s been a very scary ride, and it’s still not over yet. And as scared as I have been over things, God has put this song in my head and my heart. He knows how scared I am, and though I don’t know the outcome or His Will for me, I know He is there, holding me through it all.

I don’t want to post anything about what is going on until I am sure…but don’t worry, I’m NOT pregnant!!! And I WILL let you know when I for sure know what is going on.