The curse

I am blessed, or cursed...depending on how you look at it, with the ability to see both sides to every story. How did this come about? I blame my mother. Yep. She did it to me. You see, after she divorced my biological father and married the man I call, and have for the past 20 years of my life, Dad, she and I would have some "heart to hearts". She told me, from the time I was old enough to understand what she was saying, that there are always 3 sides to every story. "His" side, "Her" side, and the truth.

I do believe that is when the "curse" started taking affect.

It's not so bad, most of the time, but it does end up putting me in the middle of a lot of things. The fact that I hate confrontation and try to be the peacemaker, doesn't help! Also, not only does it tend to make me second guess myself, a LOT, but it also makes those annoying little voices in my head argue with each other!

So what is all of this about?

Well, I have recently been thinking about my past. Things that I have said, or done. Things I should have said, or done. It makes me wonder where I would be or what I would be doing if certain things were still the same. As I mature as a Christian, certain things from my past are harder for me to accept and forgive myself for. Though I know that after asking Christ for His forgiveness, He has done just that, it's still hard for me to do the same.

I try not to be hard on myself over all those things and realize where I am now and where my life is headed.

I mean, c'mon, I have a wonderful, loving, hardworking, kind-hearted (though sometimes it's hard to see that...LOL), gorgeous husband. I have two wonderful, sweet, loving, beautiful children. I have wonderful, amazing, loving family and friends. I have a wonderful church home that includes a wonderful church family. And more importantly, I serve a wonderful, loving, forgiving, amazing God!

So all in all...my life is, well, wonderful!

So why do I try and second guess and belittle myself for my previous mistakes. Is it because I don't want to make those same mistakes EVER again? Maybe because I am embarrassed as a Christian woman of the mistakes that I have made? Or is it because I should be able to learn from those mistakes and move on and it's hard for me to?

How do I get out of this funk and move on with my life? I have repented of these sins, and asked for forgiveness, so why is it so hard to forgive myself?