Long Road Ahead

The past few days have been not only a whirlwind but the worst days of my life!!

I went back to the surgeon’s office Thursday for my follow-up appointment after surgery. I got there and they said that he was in an emergency surgery and sent my pathology report to my OB-GYN, who is a few doors down. I asked if the nurse could take my stitches out, which I didn’t realize that the surgeon normally doesn’t take them out this early, and she said she would.

We  (my mom was with me) left there and went to my OB-GYN. We waited in his office, and his first words to me where “I’m so, So, SO sorry to have to give you such bad news.” I laughed because I thought he was joking with me.

It turns out, he wasn’t.

I have breast cancer.

(I go to an Oncologist Research Specialist in LR on Tuesday. She’s supposed to be the best in the state and one of the best in the nations. I’ve only heard great things about her from anyone that knows her, including my surgeon and OB-GYN, a couple of her patients, and even just people that have heard of her. I’m excited to know that I’m going to be in good hands during this journey.)

Other issues? Well, once I left the doctor’s office, I got home and took my sports bra off (which is the only type of bra I’ve been able to wear the past 2 weeks!) and my incision site started bleeding. I went back to the surgeon’s office and the nurse placed some steri-strips and a bandage on it and sent me home.

Later that night, or actually about 245am on Friday morning, I noticed that my bra seemed wet. I went to the bathroom and there was blood on it. I took my bra off, removed the bandage and steri-strips, and blood started running down my side. I called my aunt, who is a nurse, and met her up at the ER.

Later that morning, the surgeon wanted to see the site, at the hospital. So I had to go back up there, where he looked at, said it had come open in one spot, took the packing gauze out, placed tighter steri-strips on it, and sent me back home. My day yesterday consisted of nothing but resting while my family, (husband, aunt, cousin) and friends (Stacy) all came and took care of me and the kids. I’m so grateful to have family and friends that are supporting during this time.

This is going to be a long rough ride for not only me, but everyone that is close to me. But I know that with God carrying me, I will make it through!! Please keep us all in your prayers!!!

Surgery

Things have been crazy around here. As you may have figured out by my last post, I’ve had some medical issues going on with me. About 2 months ago, on December 9th, I found a lump on my breast. I had to go to my OB-GYN the following week, so I kept my eye on, without letting anyone else (including Hubby) know what was going on, until then.

The doctor confirmed that it was something we needed to keep an eye on and instructed me to return to his office 6 weeks later for another exam of the spot.

I returned on January 27th, to which he informed me that the nodule had in fact grown and that he was referring me to the local surgeon.

I visited the surgeon on February 2. He was a little concerned and sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound the following day. The tests revealed that there were 3 SOLID masses. A biopsy was needed.

I returned to the surgeon Feb 7, where he confirmed that the nodule(s) were in deed solid and that instead of doing just a biopsy, he wanted to just completely remove them and then send them off. I was scheduled for surgery Feb 10 with pre-op on the 8th.

So on Thursday, Feb 10, I arrived at the hospital at 10a for surgery at 1130a. Surgery was done and I was heading home a little before 1pm.

Since then I have been trying to take it easy, and not worry too much what the biopsy will say. I should have the results by the end of next week.

This has made a HUGE impact on not only my life, but my family’s as well. Though the surgeon believes the masses were just calcium deposits, it’s still a little scary to think that it could be something much worse, like breast cancer. You better believe that I am now a bigger supporter of Breast Cancer Awareness!!

You Never Let Go of Me

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

(Chorus 2x's)

Christian lyrics - YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS - MATT REDMAN

 

I have been going through some medical issues for the past 2 months or so. It’s been a very scary ride, and it’s still not over yet. And as scared as I have been over things, God has put this song in my head and my heart. He knows how scared I am, and though I don’t know the outcome or His Will for me, I know He is there, holding me through it all.

I don’t want to post anything about what is going on until I am sure…but don’t worry, I’m NOT pregnant!!! And I WILL let you know when I for sure know what is going on.

Christmas, Dance, and Scarves

It’s been awhile since my last post, but I have technically been pretty busy these past few weeks. I’ve been watching Greek on Netflix  and enjoying it. I also have been occupying my time with learning how to loom knit. All I have been able to do is scarves though…and I’m learning as I go.

The kids have been keeping me busy as well. After we all got the stomach bug right before Christmas, Bubba and I got it again. Then the kids ended up with this coughing, sneezing, runny nose bug. It hasn’t been pretty to say the least.

We also have enrolled Sissy in dance class….and she LOVES it! We have always said that Bubba was going to be our ball player and Sissy was going to be our entertainer (singer, dancer, cheerleader). We can’t wait until her first dance recital, which will be in May.

We FINALLY had my dad’s family Christmas this past weekend. We were supposed to have it Christmas night but my grandpa ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. Then the next few weekends, we had a lot of family members sick. We were mostly all better this past Saturday night, so we had it then. It was nice to see a lot of family that I haven’t seen in awhile. We also learned that one of my cousins is pregnant with her second child! Her oldest was born 3 months exactly after Bubba!

OH, and I also one a giveaway with Warm and Fuzzies! This is Sissy with her cute new hat!!!

And here are my scarves that I have done.

Red, black, and white

Dark brown, light brown, and light blue

Light brown, cream, and light blue with fringe.

Warm and Fuzzies Giveaway!!!

I am SO excited about this giveaway I’ve entered, and hope that you will be too!

My friend, Kristy, over at Hall 4 One and Warm and Fuzzies, is doing her first giveaway for her cutie patootie hats!!!

I’m in love with them. I mean just look~~

I would LOVE to have this one today! I’d wear it while watching the Razorbacks kick some Buckeye booties in the Sugar Bowl!! WPS!!!

Anyways, check out her blog, follow it, and enter the giveaway yourself…and let her know I sent you!! ;-)

Back Then, in 2010!

January:

• I started fasting…no starches for a week.
• We took our first family pictures since the Christmas before…seems like a theme. The only time we get family pics are at Christmas time!
• I was the recipient of a random act of kindness from a lady at WM.
• Hubby started doing more and more carpentry work.
• God spoke to me concerning my fast. It was going to be longer than a week.
• I took MANY pictures with my new camera!
• I connected with my “Brazilian sister” after over 10 years!
• We got closer to owning our first home!

 

 

February:

• I realized that people change, and that people you thought were your friends, aren’t, and people that you didn’t think could be your friends, are!
• We celebrated Valentines day with cupcakes!
• I was reminded just how big of a miracle baby Sissy was!
• It snowed, but not a lot.
• We found a house and was just steps away from closing on it.
• I bought a new phone! Yay me!
• Sickness stayed in our house all month!

March:

• My faith started dwindling…but I kept on fasting.
• WE GOT OUR HOUSE!!!!!
• It was a “boring” month. It was all about moving.

April:

• I made the cutest cake for Easter!
• We realized Sissy was going to be a model one day.
• Bubba learned how to dunk!
• I fell in love with Mrs.. Dash.

May:

• We had our housewarming party thrown by two of my besties.
• I photographed my first wedding.
• We went on a family vacation to Branson, MO with Hubby’s BFF and his family.
• We bought a dog for the kids…and us.
• I turned 28….
• With it being graduation season, I reminisced about my own graduation…10 years ago!

June:

• I had a break down in Bubba’s bedroom floor.
• I realized just how much Sissy looks and acts like me, and Bubba acts and looks like Hubby!
• I took ABSOLUTELY no pictures in the month of June!!!
• But the kids and I did get some pictures taken for Father’s Day!

July:

• Bubba turned 2!!!
• We painted our bedroom.
• Then we repainted it.
• We bought a new table!!!

 

August:

• My Canon bit the dust and I had to get a Nikon.
• Hubby’s mom and stepdad came in from Florida to stay for a week.

September:

• I got back into reading on almost a daily basis…and realized how much I love it!
• Hubby and I endeared our 4th miscarriage.
• I took some 2 year birthday pics of my niece along with family pics for them…and got some cute ones of Sissy while I was at it.

 

October:

• Bubba had a mo-hawk for a couple of weeks.
• Sissy turned 4!
• We had a fun time with friends doing the annual Daylight Trick or Treat.
• Sissy loved handing out candy to all the trick or treaters!

November:

• We put our tree up.
• I did Christmas pics for the “H” family.
• I took the kids’  pics for Christmas cards.
• We took the kids to deer camp spend a few days with Papaw and let Daddy hunt.
• My god-mother lost her battle to ovarian cancer.

December:

• Christmas!
• Sissy got her “pink game” that she’s been asking Santa for!
• Bubba got a Buzz Lightyear electric car!
• Momma got a “red game” and an iPod touch! Apparently, Santa thought I was EXTRA good this past year!

My Resolutions For 2011

So here it is, my list of wants and hopes for 2011.

• Quiet time with God daily (prayer, reading Bible, meditating in God’s glory).
• Take more pictures of the kids…not that I don’t already!
• Keep the house cleaner then I do…with 2 kids and a dog, that may be easier said than done!
• More family time.
• Be more patient with my kids, husband, and myself. And every one else I come in contact with.
• Blog more!!
• LOSE WEIGHT!!! I need to lose about 50 lbs before I feel better about my body.
• Feel better about my body, no matter what!

Alright, lets see how good I do! Bring it on 2011! We are ready!!

2010 Wants and Hopes…recap!

It’s another year…2010 has come to a close and 2011 has begun!

I’m gonna start this year off with a post concerning last year’s Wants and Hopes list.

• Bubba is not yet potty trained! Boys seem to be much harder than girls with this. Can you say “stubborn”?!?!
• I had 5 paying gigs in 2010!!! Whoo-Hoo!!!
• Most all of our debt is paid off.
• We did get to buy our first home!
• Sissy couldn’t start school due to the way her birthday fell.
• I’d say 5 paying gigs is better than none when it comes to my photography business leading off…but not quite.
• I don’t think we took even ONE family picture this past year! Figures…
• We managed to get out of the house more than before. Of course living only a mile from WM and about the same to my brother in laws house, it comes easier!
• I am starting off this year with 6 ladies I call my best friends! And I can’t imagine what my year would have been like with out each one of them!!

So that’s how I made out with my 2010’s…how did you do with yours?

Post 10…Something I’m afraid of

So this post is actually pretty easy. I know my fears very well….I encounter them almost on a daily basis!

My biggest fear is storms! I HATE storms! If it’s just raining, I’m okay. But when the thunder, lightening, and wind kick in….I get so scared that I have panic attacks. Literally! I would rather have snow and ice than storms any day!

Another fear, the dark. I’m not scared of the dark, per se. More of what could be in the dark! From spiders, to mass murders. Yes, I sleep with a light on, I can’t go to sleep until I know every door is locked tight. Even my bedroom door is locked!

The fact that I am claustrophobic doesn’t help matters either. I hate small spaces, and complete darkness makes me feel as if I am in a small space.

Another thing I am afraid of, death. I know where I am going when I die. That’s not the problem. I’m afraid of what I might miss out on when I die…example: my kids graduating school, getting married, having kids of their own! I’m also afraid of losing someone very close to me.

Oh and another thing I’m afraid of…bugs. I HATE bugs!! Anything that is nasty crawly gross….hate!! From flies to spiders. Even those grand daddy long legs…yeah, hate those too!

So what are you afraid of??

Exhaustion…

Oh my…it’s been crazy around the house here lately! We’ve been to both of Hubby’s Christmas parties this month, and as much fun as I have had in the past at the big one, this years wasn’t that much fun. I think it was the lack of games.

We did the song game (i.e. IDOAWC- I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas), we also did a “How Well Do You Know Your Co-Workers” game (which the most fun part of that was Hubby was the answer to one of the questions!), and a trivia game about the founder of the company.

The place where the party was held is a beautiful resort here in town, so props to them for that! And the food the resort did was pretty good too!

The other work party he had was just the management team and their spouses. We had it at a local Mexican restaurant and that one kept me pretty entertained and laughing!!

The town held it’s annual Christmas parade, fireworks show, and lighting of the parks Christmas lights. The kids liked everything but the fireworks…but that might have been because we sat right under where they were exploding!!

For gifts this year, for the family and family friends, I made some cookie platters.  It’s saved on money, that’s for sure. Saturday evening we had dinner with Hubby’s grandparents, two of his brothers and one of his sisters. We had a nice time, except for the fact that Bubba had been sick all morning! He seemed to be doing better that evening, but got sick at dinner.

Yesterday everything was normal. We went to church, then out to eat, and then yesterday evening we went to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law’s house to hang out for a while. We got home and into bed about 10 o’clock.

At 230 this morning, I woke up to Sissy throwing up! She threw up about every 15 minutes until about 630 this morning. We finally got to sleep, and slept until 9am. I thought things were better, until about 20 minutes ago, when she threw up the water she had been drinking!

As much as it stinks to have the bug in our house, I’m glad that it’s hitting BEFORE Christmas instead of AT Christmas!!! Here’s hoping we, and you, don’t get it!!