3 Amigos

I have issues. Let’s just get that out there.

So I realized last night that I have changed. From the person that I was at age 16.

My life has changed. My mindset has changed. My personality has changed (Yes, it can happen…believe me). My body has DEFINITELY changed. But we’re not talking about that…

Anyways, when I was 16 I had an accident (that’s a whole different post). Before this accident, I was a happy go lucky, carefree, didn’t worry about what other people thought girl. She was replaced by a self-conscience, semi-depressed, jealous girl with low self-esteem.

Self-conscience - If I am in a room, or close proximity to just a few other people, and they start whispering…I automatically think they are talking about me.

Semi-depressed – During the winter months, when there is less daylight and sunshine, I have problems with not only with depression, but panic attacks. Thankfully though, having kids has helped me some what with that. My attacks don’t come as frequent as they used to (something my mom was really worried about when Sissy was born).

Low-self esteem – That kind of goes along with being self-conscience. I just feel like I am always being scrutinized. Personality wise, looks wise, everything wise.

Jealous – Oh my! How I hate this!! My jealousy has nothing to do with materialistic things.  It’s more of the relationship type. For example, if I am friends with someone, and they have another friend that they are close to as well, I get jealous of that relationship. I worry that I’m going to lose that friend. Or if I have two friends that are also friends I feel that they do things without me…in turn, pushing me out of the circle.

Childish, I know!!!! I can’t help it!!!  It’s hard for me to get close to anyone because of it. It puts a wedge in between Hubby and I. It makes me want to be a hobbit…okay, so not that extreme. But it is hard to become close friends with anyone.

The Lord has recently blessed me with some wonderful girls in my life though. There are 3 girls that I feel extremely close to, and I have so much in common with all of them.

One of the girls, is married to Hubby’s boss, and she goes to church me. She is also like me in the whole ‘jealousy/relationship thing’.

Another one of the girls, I went to high school with. Her and I were two totally different people. We ran with different crowds. She did the rodeo scene, I played sports. She was a cowgirl, I was a tomboy. Yet, here we are, years later, best friends that have TONS in common!

The third girl, has actually known me most of my life. Her grandma used to keep me when I was little…too little to remember, in fact. Her and I both have blogs, and started following each others. We then became friends on FB, and it progressed from there.

I love these 3 girls! And I know that God has placed us all in each other’s life for a reason. I realized last night that my ‘issues’ are not part of these relationships. I don’t feel insecure or depressed around them. In fact, they make me feel good about myself. I also don’t have any jealousy with them. If they wanted to do something, or they talk without me, I’m okay with it. I don’t feel that they talk about me at all.

Isn’t that what true friendships are really all about??