My Little Miracle!

I had to have my yearly check-up today and was reminded just how much God has blessed us!

Before we had Sissy, we had went through 2 miscarriages. We actually didn’t get very excited when we found out we were pregnant with her. Didn’t want to jinx anything!!!

So today, in the doctor’s office I was reminded of just how lucky we are to have our 3 1/2 year old little girl!  One of the workers , LH, was was telling the other worker in the office, ML, about how Sissy is lucky to even be here today. That we had a lot of problems with her.

I made the comment that yes, we had 2 miscarriages before her. LH said, “Yeah, but you had a lot of problems while you were pregnant with her!” She then told ML the story of my first prenatal office visit, the one I totally forgot about after the past few years.

When I went in for my first visit, DR. JM wanted to do an ultrasound, just because of my previous issues. He told us that he couldn’t find a heartbeat, or even a water sac. In fact, he could see no evidence that I was indeed pregnant, except for my urine sample.

He told Hubby and I that he expected me to have a miscarriage and told me the steps to take when the time came. He did say that he wanted me to go to the hospital 2 weeks later to have the ultrasound technician look and make sure that everything had ‘expelled’ like it should, or if, by some miracle, I was still pregnant, that everything was okay.

Within the next two weeks, I experienced no bleeding, but tons of morning sickness instead. When my US appointment time had come, we were prepared for anything.

Tears filled both of mine and Hubby’s eyes as the tech told us the news…. “There is the heartbeat, which is beating fast and healthy!! Everything looks good! Congratulations!!”

Three and a half years later, our little miracle baby can be a handful, but she is most definitely a gift from God!!!

 

 

3 Amigos

I have issues. Let’s just get that out there.

So I realized last night that I have changed. From the person that I was at age 16.

My life has changed. My mindset has changed. My personality has changed (Yes, it can happen…believe me). My body has DEFINITELY changed. But we’re not talking about that…

Anyways, when I was 16 I had an accident (that’s a whole different post). Before this accident, I was a happy go lucky, carefree, didn’t worry about what other people thought girl. She was replaced by a self-conscience, semi-depressed, jealous girl with low self-esteem.

Self-conscience - If I am in a room, or close proximity to just a few other people, and they start whispering…I automatically think they are talking about me.

Semi-depressed – During the winter months, when there is less daylight and sunshine, I have problems with not only with depression, but panic attacks. Thankfully though, having kids has helped me some what with that. My attacks don’t come as frequent as they used to (something my mom was really worried about when Sissy was born).

Low-self esteem – That kind of goes along with being self-conscience. I just feel like I am always being scrutinized. Personality wise, looks wise, everything wise.

Jealous – Oh my! How I hate this!! My jealousy has nothing to do with materialistic things.  It’s more of the relationship type. For example, if I am friends with someone, and they have another friend that they are close to as well, I get jealous of that relationship. I worry that I’m going to lose that friend. Or if I have two friends that are also friends I feel that they do things without me…in turn, pushing me out of the circle.

Childish, I know!!!! I can’t help it!!!  It’s hard for me to get close to anyone because of it. It puts a wedge in between Hubby and I. It makes me want to be a hobbit…okay, so not that extreme. But it is hard to become close friends with anyone.

The Lord has recently blessed me with some wonderful girls in my life though. There are 3 girls that I feel extremely close to, and I have so much in common with all of them.

One of the girls, is married to Hubby’s boss, and she goes to church me. She is also like me in the whole ‘jealousy/relationship thing’.

Another one of the girls, I went to high school with. Her and I were two totally different people. We ran with different crowds. She did the rodeo scene, I played sports. She was a cowgirl, I was a tomboy. Yet, here we are, years later, best friends that have TONS in common!

The third girl, has actually known me most of my life. Her grandma used to keep me when I was little…too little to remember, in fact. Her and I both have blogs, and started following each others. We then became friends on FB, and it progressed from there.

I love these 3 girls! And I know that God has placed us all in each other’s life for a reason. I realized last night that my ‘issues’ are not part of these relationships. I don’t feel insecure or depressed around them. In fact, they make me feel good about myself. I also don’t have any jealousy with them. If they wanted to do something, or they talk without me, I’m okay with it. I don’t feel that they talk about me at all.

Isn’t that what true friendships are really all about??

Movin’ On Up….

….to the East side.

We are one step closer to owning our own home! I’m oh so very excited, and ready to be a homeowner!!!

I know there are con’s to owning your own home….one of which is the fact that if something breaks, or you have to replace something, YOU have to pay for it. Not the landlord. Or the fact that you have to pay for the home’s insurance, taxes, and all that fun stuff.

The pro’s are SO much more appealing to me though. We get to paint it the colors we want (which we have already picked colors out), we can change out fixtures, or countertops, or floors, or anything else that tickles our fancy. We can also add on, which eventually, hopefully, we will.

My friend, Stacy, and I are already planning a trip out of town to ‘look’ at some decor stuff. I’m SO looking forward to that! I’ve also been picking stuff out on e-bay and Wal-Mart. I’m just hoping we come into some extra decorating money! LOL

I’m still a little worried that something is going to fall through though. (Yes, as a matter of fact I am a ‘the glass is half empty’ type of girl! Thank you very much!!) But I am relying on God, and for His will to be done on this. 

I called today to find out what we needed to do about letting our landlords know we were moving. That made my anxiety about things worse. I was basically told that 30 days after giving our notice, even if the house falls through and we don’t get the house, we will be without a place to live. That they will list the house the moment our notice is given. So if someone signs a lease on it, we still have to get out! Then I’m not sure WHAT in the world we would do!!

But, like I said, I’m TRYING to leave it all in God’s hands!! Wish us luck…and lots of prayers!!!

Jumping on the Band Wagon

So, like a few of you already have, I have downloaded “Windows Live Writer”. Which is what I am using write now.

I was worried  about ‘being smart enough’ to figure out how to use it but I seem to be okay…so far.

Today, Hubby had the day off, and we went and got our taxes done. I am SO excited about our refund! We will be able to pay off the debt we have and still have some left over.

After we got our taxes done, we went to talk to a lady to see about buying a house.  We are super excited to say that yes, we might quite possibly be able to finally buy!! We still have to wait on the ultimate okay, but so far, it’s looking good!

We have been renting our current house since we have moved back “home”…which will be 4 years next month! As much as I am ready to have a house we can call our own, it’s still a little sad that we are going to move out of the only home my kids have known! The house that we brought both of them home from the hospital to. The house that the learned to walk and talk in. The house that they call home.

As much as I despise this house, it’s still home….for now! I am SO ready to move on and be first time homeowners!!!

For now, I leave you with this picture and story. The other day, Bubba kept crying for ‘Nana’….my mom. He was screaming her name and crying “Nana! Nana! Nana! GO!!” He REALLY wanted to go see her!!  As he was going to the door, I told him, “No, Bubba. We can’t go see Nana right now!” And this is the start of the fit he threw!! He was NOT very happy with me for quite a while after that! Darn kids!!!

Stoked!!

I'm super stoked! I was contacted by a friend on FB about doing pictures for her. Wedding pictures!!

Why am I 'super stoked'?? Because it is a small intimate wedding. Immediate family only. Maybe 15 people. I love that it's this small, because it's my FIRST wedding! I think it will be less pressure on me, doing my first wedding, when it's that small.

(I've had the opportunity to do a wedding before, but then it fell through. You might remember me blogging about it here.)

When thinking about what price to quote the bride-to-be, I thought of many different things:

1. I am an amateur professional, not a professional.
2. It's a very small wedding.
3. The wedding will be located out of town, but only about 45 minutes away.
4. I have known the bride-to-be, and her brother, for YEARS!
5. It's only double what I normally charge for family/individual pictures.

She was excited about the price and told me that she would talk to her fiance' about it, but that she was pretty sure he would agree to hire me!!

I am SO excited about having the opportunity to grow my portfolio!!

Photography

Yesterday afternoon, I got the opportunity to do a photo shoot with a precious little girl, who is a month old!! I used to work with her momma before I became a stay at home mom. I had SO much fun at the shoot, mainly because they were so easy to work with, and was up to do anything I suggested. Also because I LOVE doing photography!!

I have tried to get my "business" up and running, but with little to no luck. The Marine shoot was my first actual paying gig, then three months later, right before Christmas, I got my second gig with my sweet friend and her family.

I am looking forward to hopefully doing a lot more, because I enjoy doing it! And it doesn't hurt to have a little extra money coming in. I know there are quite a few "amateur professional" photographers around here, but I also know that there are some people that don't know of any of those people, and don't want to pay the big bucks for, "professional" ones. I'm hoping that my name gets out there and I am able to do a lot more!

I also just realized that I never posted any pics from my second gig I did. So here are a few of my faves from both shoots.

My Brazilian Sister

When I was 15 years old, we hosted a foreign exchange studentwho was 2 years older than me, from Brazil. She and I were really tight...she, in a sense, was my sister. She came to live with us during Christmas break and stayed until the end of the school year. A few years later, she came back to stay a week or so with us. I was so happy that I was able to drive and her and I could actually go hang out together.

When she went back to Brazil the second time, over 10 years ago, I didn't know if I would ever see her again. I, of course, thought of her all the time. Wondered how she was, if she was still living in Brazil, if she was married, had kids, and just what she was up to now-a-days.

I found her on myspace, only to realize that she never used it. I had her e-mail address, but it was her work e-mail, and didn't know about holding conversations over it. So I decided to look for her on Facebook (I get on there every day..sometimes more than once. Okay, more than 10 times a day. Sad, I know!) I couldn't find her. So I sent her an invite to her work e-mail to join.

The next day, I got an e-mail back. It was her telling me that she had JUST added me as a friend on there, right before she got my e-mail!!! How awesome is that?!?!? So we connected on FB and got caught up. She is married, and has been for 3 years. No kids. And she moved from Rio de Janiero to Sao Paulo...about 266 miles away.

She also told me that she would be coming to the states in October and would love to see me and my parents! She will be flying into Orlando, then fly to LR, drive to see us, stay about 3 or 4 days, then fly to LA where she will be attending a birthday party for her friend's one year old, and a wedding! I am more than excited to see her, and for her to meet my husband and kids!

I will have to dig out an old pic or two of us together and post in the next few days or so. I don't know if I can wait until October now!!! Eeekkk!!!!

Gotta Have Faith

It is day 10 of my fast. And I am going crazy!!

I was planning on just going for a week, but God had other plans. As I was laying in bed, saying my prayers, this past Thursday night, He spoke to me. I know it had to be the Holy Spirit, because I never would have thought of this on my own. As I was praying about strength during my fast, a small still voice said, "Fast until something happens."

Ummm..what??

Okay?!?! Do I have enough strength to do that, or faith? I know that with God, anything is possible. So I just have to continue to look towards Him.

I WAS fasting pretty much anything with flour. No crackers, tortilla shells, pasta, bread, rolls, biscuits, anything breaded. After I decided NOT to disobey God (I'm not taking my chances even if it wasn't Him!!), I realized that I would have to change my fast up a little if I was going to make it at all. Now it's just no tortilla shells, breads, rolls, biscuits, or anything breaded.

Doesn't sound too hard though, does it? Well for someone like me that HAS to have some sort of bread with every meal, it's more than hard! I've done pretty good, so far. I made burritos last night for Hubby and the kids, but I had nachos instead...I hope that is acceptable. Anyways, this morning, the family wanted biscuits/gravy, eggs, and fried deer meat.

Okay, I can do that. But I didn't realize how hard it was going to be!! That's my favorite breakfast meal! There are biscuits left over...and it's killing me to NOT eat one!!

So here is my prayer for today...right now.

"Lord, give me the strength to make it through this fast 'until something happens'. I pray for faith in You to do what needs to be done. I know that by fasting it shows my faith in You...so I pray for the ability to continue onwards. You know the reason I fast, You know the thing that weighs heavy on my heart. I pray that Your will be done not only in my life, but those that I fast for! In Jesus name I pray. Amen"

Random acts of kindness

It has been a LONG week! Sunday, of course, was church. Sunday night, though, our church started our Spiritual Renewal Conference, which lasted until Wednesday night.

Monday, I picked up the house, then Monday evening went to the SRC. Tuesday, the kids and I went to my parents house to clean, then to the SRC that evening. Wednesday, I did a couple loads of laundry and cleaned the kitchen, had a nursery committee meeting at 5pm, and then the SRC that evening. Thursday, was MDO. The kids didn't go because Hubby started his vacation that day, but I had to work. Today, Friday, we had to go back to my parents house to finish cleaning. We then came home, ate supper that Hubby made...frozen lasagna...and then the kids and I went to WM for some grocery shopping.

As we were checking out, I realized that I got a little too much and had the cashier take off a $12 pack of steaks. "TWELVE DOLLARS!?!?!?" you ask? Yes! It was a pack of 6 individually wrapped sirloins. With only 2 of us that eat steak, that's 3 meals...for 12 dollars!!

Anyways, as I was loading the groceries and the kids into the truck, a lady came up to me.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes?"

"Here, this is from the Lord. Do you know what that means?" while handing me a WM sack with the steaks in it!!

"Thank you! Yes, I do! Thank you SO much!" I said with tears in my eyes.

I was too busy trying to load the groceries and kids up that I didn't have the time to think about refusing them, saying something differently, giving her a hug, or even saying, "Bless You!!" to her!

I have been torn in many different directions over this.

1. Did I look that pathetic with my nappy hair and clothes (didn't change or shower after cleaning the 'rents house) and my two small children (which Bubba, btw, was already in his flannel footed pajamas) that she felt the need to help me?


2. Since when am I the person someone feels the need to help or perform a random act of kindness towards?


3. Bless the lady that had the heart, and need, to pay $12 for a package of steaks for a complete and total stranger!


4. A package of steaks of all things!! I could understand if it was a package of diapers or something, but steaks??


5. Maybe the lady realized that I was NOT putting back something that we WERE in need of, like diapers, to be able to keep the things we DIDN'T!


6. Pay it Forward!! My former preacher's wife told me to do just that. She also informed me that if I would have refused it, the lady would not have gotten the blessing she was looking for...not a praise towards her, but to God!
7. I have also realized that with that package of steaks, that's 3 meals that we otherwise, might NOT have had.

The Lord is Awesome and knows what He is doing, though we may not! But, it is NOT our job to know!! We are just supposed to have faith and know that He is God!!

Have you ever had someone perform an act of kindness to/for you? If so, how did you 'handle' it?

Have you ever PERFORMED an act of kindness to/for someone else? If so, how did they 'handle' it?

Fasting

This week our church is having a Spiritual Renewal Conference. It's kinda like a revival, but we are focused mainly on renewing our hearts, our mindsets, our willingness to want to bring more lost people to the saving grace of God, and our spirits.

Our pastor has made a church wide challenge for us all to fast through the time of the conference. Some people, like him, started last Sunday fasting and going until it is over. I, myself, know I don't have that much will-power, though I know I should considering, and I have opted to start today. I do, however, would like to try going until Sunday. Because, I not only am fasting and praying for the given, but there has been something on my heart and mind for the past 8 years and I feel I NEED to fast for it as well.

I was trying to decide what fast I might do. After determining that with my hypoglycemia, doing a full fast or not eating at all would not be good, I am not a soda drinker, or addicted to really anything...except Facebook LOL...but I did realize that something that I eat, and have to have at every meal is bread. Some sort of bread is a must at every meal for me! So I have decided to fast from bread, pasta, tortillas, tortilla chips, or anything that is breaded.

This is my first day of that, AND I AM GOING CRAZY!! I didn't realize just how much starches I eat!! I am also hoping that by cutting those type of things out of my diet for a week, it will make it easier to not eat that much at all after I end my fast. Crossing my fingers that it will also help in losing some pounds!!!

Have you ever fasted? And if so, what did you fast from and for how long?